Who Says? Says who?

It is a shame that sometimes life gets busy, because I have had numerous, ample cerebral musings where I have typed out blog posts in my mind, yet they never reached the ink-meets-blog-paper stage. Perhaps one day those reflections will ressucitate themselves, and you will find yourselves privy to my insane battle with theology, doctrine, and life as it *IS*.



To continue, I've though much about my counselor lately, and my counseling experience as a whole. It is bad enough that my counselor would fall perhaps more under the guise of secular counseling. It is damning to all hell, maybe, in the eyes of some Christians that my counselor is male.



And, yes, he shuts the door when we counsel, so that others sitting in the waiting room can't hear all about my pathetic life. (Kidding.....KIDDING...on the 'pathetic life' part;).



This is not even my first MALE counselor, it is my second. Having had a small plethora (is that such a thing? It sounds cool, anyway) of counselors.....let me count.....ok, 6.....the last two do not advertise themselves as 'biblical' counselors, both males. I know both personally, so they do have relationships with God....and believe in the propitiation of Jesus. I also know they have used methods and ways that would make many Christians cringe, myself intially included.



I recall my counselor Wayne once saying to me that I did not trust anyone, and that I used God as my crutch, and to hide behind. He also waited ONE YEAR OF FREE COUNSELING for me to decide I could trust him. Wayne deserves a bronzed star on his head when he gets to Heaven. This man didn't even know me. He just thought he could help me.



Fast forward to Steve, therapist #6; qualified therapist #2. Steve and his partner Diane run a practice, and they have real certifications and stuff. They run on sliding scale fees and have no problemo offering me the $35-per-session- plan, out of the possibility of $75 (which if you know anything about counseling, even the $75 a FULL hour is really quite cheap in 2009!). I interview Diane, and at the end of my complimentary session, she tells me she feels quite confident that she can help me. I ask if she knows anything about the other counselor, Steve, and what specialties is he accredited with? We get to talking, Diane and I, and I also reveal to her, though I do not know if for certain it is even important....that my last counselor felt I had issues with males in my life, and that it may be good for me to counsel with a male. She offers me a complimentary counsel session with Steve. I think, "Boy, I am REALLY getting my money's worth here!". Later that week I meet Steve, and at the end of my session with him, I am convinced of one thing: "who cares who I get. They both seemed great." I rest and let it in Gods terrain.

I realize I am probably getting assigned Diane, esp since Steve took offense to my re-itterating of my last counselor's thoughts on me continuing with a male counselor. He scoffed at that advice, claiming, "Diane is a VERY gifted and capable counselor!" and that the first counselor did me quite a 'disservice' when he told me I needed a male. I kinda still get a kick outta that, I dont know why....hahaha...SOOOOO...Stevo it is. Steve calls to tell me I will be seeing him at 2pm next Thursday; apparently Diane is tidying up her last classes for her doctorate.

It is a year later, and I do feel that it has not harmed myself, or Steve, or anyone that I was paired up with a male counselor. The truth is, the blinds have been snapped up at yet again another faulty doctrine I was taught as a wee Christian babe: Thou Shalt Not Be Alone in Presence of Any Male Other Than Thy Father, Brother, or Husband.

You know, it is liberating to realize you truly may not really lust, have perverted thoughts, or cause men to rape you emotionally or physically. You may be needy and still not cross the line. You may have father issues, and long for the listening ear of a man, and still not act on it. You are human, normal, and even capable. Then when you realize this truth, you can tell your daughter that she isn't a woman given over to a sensual spirit just because she talks alone with another man. In other words, you can pass this truth onto your children.

Two consenting, responsible, and capable adults can handle being in each others presence, and not be overwhelmed with thinking, "something could happen! EEEEK!" I have found it even HEALING to have been allowed to speak with men as brothers, friends, etc. as it creates a path for me to receive validation and acceptance by a man, and learn that men CAN be trusted. I had many poor role models growing up, and to let myself receive grace
and be healed by the brothers I have, has come in forms of talking to them on the phone, on the school playground while waiting for my kids, hanging outside church yakking.

We are only told to run or flee when the person is grabbing for you (like the story of Joseph)....we dont need to run unecessarily just because we are alone with a man. I honestly think we give ourselves way too much power. I mean, by all means if we have a temptation-we need to deal with it-but it isnt healthy to create shame and forsake all members of the opposite sex because we were taught we will automatically be placing ourselves in a temptuous sitatuation...in my opinion, that is hyper-sexual thinking. Which is, coincidentally, the real and BIGGER issue.