It is one of the feelings I have that is most painful. Being disposable.
I know that I am not truly disposable, In Gods eyes, and in the end, that is really all that matters. Actually, for today, this moment, that is all that matters. But, sigh......
We must live with people in this world, and it really helps to have good relationships. It is a gift. A reward. A blessing.
Often, in the past year, ive encountered rejection. Ive encountered abandonment. But the word 'disposable'....seems to better encompass what I really feel. Sometiems people abandon us, by no fault of their own....its just that they have their own issues and need to sort those out. Sometimes we feel abandoned, yet the person had no intention to cause us feelings of abandonment-yet due to old residual issues, we associate our feelings of abandonment WITH a certains persons actions' toward us. Disposable.infers otherwise. It sends a message...."I dont need you" "I dont want you" " I dont care" or even just silence, and ultimately, forgetting. Just forgetting you exist.
To me, that is the worst pain of all. Being forgotten. Not a thought about you. Not a concern for you. The history of the relationship, matters not. The memories, wiped from the vault of their mind. Just G O N E .....gone. Saying goodbye, or not even saying goodbye....essentially saying, "It doesnt bother me to not know you anymore".
While in my head I know God never will dispose of me, living with people who DO do this, does make it difficult to know and trust God, for me. I mean, I BELIEVE him, but the feelings still come. They cause pain; deep inner turmoil. God desired to show his love THROUGH people....and when we dont do that, it appears we misrepresent the true face of God, to the world. How serious this is, when I truly sit still and ponder on it.
Maybe seeing how God doesnt work, helps us understand better how he DOES work. Maybe the state of disposability, to others, is a paradox to God....drawing a picture of what He is not, so when we do see or sense him in another, we recognize it. And feel prized.
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2 comments:
Hey, how are u i have noticed that you have slowed or stopped writing entries in your blog ..Dont be discourage if you see no comments. I just looked at your disposable and cant help feel the disappointment that you felt.those were some honest words. You know God doesn't abandon us a you said. But he is not in those who abandon others either.Gods word is what i rely on for finding answers to every distress life throws at me.
If you get you get you hand on a KJV Bible read this. Galatians 5:22.
So Anyone who is a wee bit Christlike will exhibit these qualities .A afraid the opposite is true. The the adversary who seeks to discourage us and have loos faith in God is seeking to do all in his might to bring us under the weather.
Trust God 2Samuel 22:31,
All things worketh together for good to them that trust God..
take care.
Hi Royalblood....
Yes, you are correct...I did get discouraged and stopped writing, but recently I thought I just want to write my thoughts down for me...and if others find them and can relate, all the better. It forces me to get stuff out form the inside, and process and navigate through it. Thank you for your encouragment! :)
AM
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