What is upsetting me about all the talk on modesty over the internets, blogosphere, etc is that it makes it seem like it is a SHAME for a woman to have breasts, legs, and curves. The over-talk about the very issue of modesty actually SEXUALIZES it. When people need to tell or teach women incessantly about their fashion of dress, this can make the women feel guilt simply because she is created physically like a woman. The other extreme is dressing overtly sensual (deliberate, with willful intent...and who decides that??!!!?). BOTH HARM PEOPLE. Equally. When I was ready, God figured it out for me. When I over- scrutinize my dress, I am shaming myself. I am not trusting God to give me sound mind that can dress myself. We sometimes, in my opinion only, take the 'older women should teach the younger' and 'speak the truth in love' way overboard, to the point that it becomes all we want to do anymore! And the worst part of it is we mask it as LOVING EACH OTHER, and OBEYING TRUTH, and SERVING GOD and NOT MAN, when much can be said for BEING CONTROLLING AND AFRAID AND PRIDEFUL as the real hidden motivations behind this. I know this to be true, because many have been saved from that (like ME) and now speak out about it. Sometimdes, I am chastised for having gone too far the other extreme. But I would rather a person move becaaue God said MOVE, and that they can retain their dignity by following God, and trusting Him to do that for them, and not man's prideful words. For that person, becomes an "owned" faith then...when God is *the* only motivation. Sometimes, less is more; I have found out the less I try and figure out, and the less I try to read in things, the clearer it becomes for me. Now for me, *THAT is grace.
Oh, one more thing that came to me. When I was ayounger Christian (22ish), I used to judge women who dressed a certain way (maybe because I dressed that way in my rebel years??). I used to think THEY were the one with the 'problem.' One day I woke up, my whole foundation crashing, and realized: IT WAS I WHO HAD THE PROBLEM. Isnt it more accurate to say when we are truly that roused, worked up and ashamed of women's dress to say, *we* are the ones with the problem? God never asked me to be his 'modesty instructor', and he didnt ever tell me He could not take care of the issue by himself. Interestingly, in Britain's church setting, modesty means showy in a prideful or bragging way. Flamboyant; drawing attention to oneself. Some of them think we are screwy with the way we make such a big deal out of clothing, or not. Women get way less plastic surgery over there, and men and women arent as obsessed with LARGE breasts as they are here. I am not deeming Bristish christian culture on the mark, I am merely saying that perhaps American Christianity has it messed up as much as any other society.
Thanks for listening; God Bless.
August 1, 2009 10:44 AM
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9 comments:
I've considered this subject often, as we have a large Mennonite population in our area. There are three distinct sects, but they all believe in the women wearing headcoverings and dresses at all times. And there are several web resources that suggest that all Christian women should cover their heads and wear long, flowing (usually impractical) dresses that cover their curves.
Interestingly, in Britain's church setting, modesty means showy in a prideful or bragging way. Flamboyant; drawing attention to oneself. I'm guessing that you intended to write "immodesty means showy...?" If I understand this correctly, I tend to agree.
We have a copy of Webster's 1828 dictionary (which I love to use because it has much more complete definitions than do most modern dictionaries I have used).
The first two given definitions have to do with a generalized attitude of humility, the third definition simply says "moderation; decency" and the fourth definition refers directly to purity of the mind and the guarding of feminine sexuality. Isn't that interesting!
According to the dictionary definition, the most broad meaning of "modesty" simply means "to be of humble disposition, not trying to gain undue attention through various actions."
The opposite of this definition would be "LOOK AT ME!" And that attitude could be played out not only in an overtly sexualized manner (revealing clothing, heavy makeup, sensual behavior) but also in one's efforts to stand out as being "ultra pious" with notably odd clothing and behavior.
The root of both extremes is human pride and we all need to be on guard against that!
I also have been considering the need to be aware of how my actions may affect others. Jesus, Paul and John all emphasized the need for love (desiring and doing what is best for another). If i know I will be interacting with someone who is likely to be tempted to lust or judge because of the length of my hemline, it is an easy, and kind thing to just wear a different outfit around him/her.
Of course, some people can never be pleased and every situation is different. Having a "set" rule about "only ankle length dresses" and "never wear makeup" and "only watertight buns under little black caps" could easily mutate into legalism and STILL not completely prevent someone from thinking you are being "immodest"!
It is so, so important to allow God to lead in every situation--especially those that the Bible does not define outright as being sinful. I think He wants it to be that way, so we maintain open communication with Him rather than write out a list of rules and then think we have Him all figured out.
I think you hit the nail on the head in noting that if something bothers me, I need to consider that I am the one who needs some remodeling done.
Well, I'm done with my book.
Hope you have a wonderful day!
Heather
I remember the modesty issue coming into focus for me when I considered that God didn't have to give women breasts. He could just have given them teats more like primates. Or he could have located them under the arms or somewhere they wouldn't be so visible. I'm not advocating making a big display of them but...they are obviously meant to show - they are so blatantly situated. Like other curvy bits, breasts are just part of being beautiful and being a woman, I think.
Hi Mary! I havent been logging on as often as I used to, but read your post.
I know what you mean. When we have had good background training in legalism, we tend to shift perspectives off and on until we reach a place of balance, and stability. I am still on a journey figuring out what my authentic conscience speaks to me concerning this topic of modesty.
For this post, I was just pointing out that sometimes the overattention and focus on immodesty, actually sexualizes it, when one may be meaning to just 'speak truth'.
I also find it important that each person can hear their own conscince, and not just a bunch of books, blog posts, or preaching. In the end, bandwagon jumps dont count. I want to know what God speaks through my conscience. I dont want to 'jump' out of fear of not knowing for msyelf what the right answer is.
I also dont care for the way we put so much pressure on the woman. *IF* by chance one day there are no chrsitian women left walking the earth, and everyone dresses less than satisfactory, the man is still 100% responsible. To say otherwise, IMO, rewrites the entire script for any behavior we exhibit and are responsible or not responsible for. Thsi could be dangerous. any little part of accountability where we allow BLAME to sneak in, actually distorts healthy accountability, and makes it questionable in many other facets of life. I dont go for it, at all.
I, for one, after getting saved, naturally threw a bunch of clothes away. No one told me to. I hadnt even been in a church yet. I just did it. I envy those days of my early christianity, where I hadnt yet been persuaded or tainted by the mass of christian opinion and doctrine. It was so pure, and authentic for me to make that move. Cannot we trust God to do that for anyone? If we think we MUST speak, or else, isnt that really *our* issue, and not the other persons? I find keeping sure our side of the street is clean must come first.
You know these are simply my opinions, devised somwewhat from my experiences and observations. I hope that you too can find a place of balance, where you dont requestion yourself incessantly. I know that slavery, and it is so unpleasant and anguishing. I read some of your posts on YOUR blog and you have been through so many unique experiences, many tainted by control and legalism. Surely these have taken their toll on you.
BUT I KNOW GOD CAN HEAL!
He has brought me so far. I know I have my 'things' that do not fit into Christianity, things that are judged, things that are off-color....I am fine with just leaving them be for now and keep plodding along, doing the internal work, and trying to get healthy and healed. It will all fall into palce and I no longer stress about being 'perfect-minded' today. heck, even when I was in my leglaism,and THOUGHT I was 'perfect-minded', I WASNT, so why bother really! I just do the best I can, and ask God to MAKE ME MORE AWARE, and by golly, He sure does!
Thanks for writing, I really APPRECIATE you. :) :) :)
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