Blog Lords. My new, not-so-nice terminology for people who blog about The Right Way. If you dont do things The Right Way, you are doing them The Wrong Way, by default. It doesnt matter if you are doing them mostly the right way....because if you are, surely you are deceived, blinded, in denial, or full of sin.... Blog Lords give lip service to being full of sin themselves, but they are just words through wires, cause if pushed to the point of breakdown, a Blog Lord will tell you the Finite Truth of the matter-and they know much about all matters. So you will never convince a Blog Lord of much else. Even if they do sin, Blog Lords know, without error or interpretation (Blog Lords dont need 'interpretation'; they understand things a more phonomenal matter than Mostoftherestofus, and Mostoftherestofus just "dont get it") the plain and simple truth of a wide variety of subjects. They know the final truth on everything, but its only because God Said So. So, a Blog Lord doenst even take responsibility for their own thoughts, desires, or inate state of beinghood, its all pointed back at God. Yes people, you can scapegoat God (I know; Ive done it...sometimes dont even think im finished yet!). The point is, Blog Lords understand the Truth in a way Mostoftherestofus simply cant. Mostoftherestofus have been fooled, tricked, and simply dont care enough as Blog Lords, because we have not done our homework. Blog Lords themselves provoke shame and guilt in Mostoftherestofus, but swear they dont, and that Mostoftherestofus just cant see straight. BlogLords feel sorry for us. We dont hold the same serious standards they do, nor do we ever think about such things, because Mostoftherestofus are too busy leisurely, without a care, swimming downsea. Mostoftherestofus may call ourselves conservatives, but really, according to Blog Lord Status, we would be more liberal. Someoftherestofus may copy practices that Blog Lords do...like homeschooling or no birth control, but it still isnt Blog Lordious in nature, because of well.....interpretation. Someoftherestofus dont homsechool with the same dignity, fervor, or motives that Blog Lords do. We just arent up to par with BlogLordia.
If Mostoftherestofus hang around BlogLord land too often, we may find ourselves restless, playing double conscience games, mentally exhausted, and given to shame. Mostoftherestofus may even begin to start questioning our Heritage. But the Blog Lords will assure this is ok, because first and foremost it is the Blog Lords responsibility, and an insuperable one at that-to speak the truth regardless I REPEAT regardless of what it means or does to Mostoftherestofus, becasue BlogLords are devout and completely devoted to God, and Mostoftherestofus sometimes get in the way. Unfortunately, many Blog Lords *ARE* really Mostoftherestofus, so they are doing this to themselves as well, though that wont be detected until Time Of Nervous Breakdown-when The Blog Lord realizes they are a Blog Lord and identifies with Being a Blog Lord and looks their Blog Lord Self in the eye for who they have become (NOT who they *are*). Shame, guilt, and even nauseousness can be felt often after surfing the Blog Lord Network-a conglomerate of Blog Lord owners who play connect-the-blogs with each other, building the power of BlogLordMania.
Blog Lords will criticize, kick you off their blog, delete or control posts of Mostoftherestofus, even though other chosen BlogLord suscribers are able to put down, resort to sarcasm, resort to laughing, name-calling, and shame and fear-based tactics to the acceptance of the BlogLord's blog comment policy without question. Instead of calling each other out on this pratice, BlogLords in this instance, wont obey the truth and hold someone accountable....because once again, The Truth is only perfectly interpreted by the BlogLord, so its all good.
Blog Lords know what is best for your life, so Mostoftherestofus should listen to them. After all, Bloglords have good points. BlogLords never twist the truth. Only Mostoftherestofus resort to that. So, I am here to inform Mostoftherestofus that you thought your life was given to you, along with your conscience and individually-prescribed path to life, but this just isnt so...it was given to YES, you guessed it....BlogLords. If in doubt, ask a BlogLord. If you dont know an answer, the BlogLord *will* know it....at the drop of some chat ink, no less. BlogLords are like Assistant to God...so youd best adhere, or be shamed forever and ever, Amen.
BlogLords rarely mention the word JESUS or there real day to day weaknesses in any other area than motherhood, homeschooling, or religion. Talking about relationships is obscure to BlogLords. If Mostoftherestofus talk about preferences, individual leadings, personal conviction, or are on some other path (which we by the way didnt take ourselves down in the first place), this doesnt sit well with the BlogLords and they feel it is their duties to call Mostoftherestofus out on it. Mostoftherestofus walk away sometimes, with our heads down in shame...and very alone.
A Verysmallpercentageofus have moved out of BlogLordia, and went to live over in IdontknowwhereiamrightnowbutGodputmehereforsomereason. It is a great place, but I dont know whats on the agenda today, because the agenda got thrown in the trash can....and the trash collector arrives hourly. It is a confusing place at times, other times crystal clear, but overall its shiny, pretty, peaceful, humorous, tender, accepting, authentic, raw, awkward, obscure, dark, light, healing, and good. It is many other things, but it changes by the minute. This Verysmallpercentageofus may not be here forever; we now know that at any given moment we may have to move to Anothernewplacethatwedidntchoosetogo, but we now know we dont need to know when that is, because we now trust that Thingshappenforareason, and the healing and wholeness we have received for even staying more than one day in IdontknowwhereiamrightnowbutGodputmehereforeason has convinced us that we are always gonna be Safenomatterwhat even if we read "The Celestine Prophecy", use a condom, watch a rated R movie, get our belly button pierced, listen to a female preach, or skip church for 3 years. A Verysmallpercentageofus know this because we actually *did* these things and unexplicably grew with God anyway, and know God better today even though it doesnt make sense......
What is really sad is, you can lead a BlogLord to water, but you cannot make him drink.
Drinking The Mystery Potion and Going To Hell In A Holey Handbasket,
Yours Truly,
A-former-BlogLord-turned-Averysmallpercentageofus
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14 comments:
bravo!
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT!
Genius!! :)
Frightening because I have also just identified my own 'bloglordiness' too
Good stuff, AM.
Oh dear...
I just came over here from AinM's blog, and I confess, I'm at that "I don't know" place, including not going to church. I guess it makes me one averysmallpercentageofus.
Now, if BlogLords would just stick to trawling a certain corner of the internet, you could easily shut them off, but they exist IRL too, and they call you on the phone!
I enjoyed this post.
Madame
Great stuff. Right on!
Thank you. Now I have a new term for people who are kind of like trolls, except on their own blogs rather than mine. You might enjoy reading the online discernmentalist mafia. Found your blog through Molly's Adventure's in Mercy, which I found through OTM's The Practicing Church. You rock =)
Thanks people.
This post was partially said in anger. I know it. I dont really care.
It is what it is. Im allowed to fall in anger. Im tired of standing by and watching others be harmed by this twisted 'doctrine'. The reference to "BlogLords" is in jest, but also a truth. When I was a BlogLord, I was my own little god....my 'doctrine' was rwally my safety net, my theology was really my idolatry. Following the bible was because it fit my standard. I was so deceived.
Now Im pissed off at God at times, mad at BlogLords....and wrestling it all out. So confusing, as I was a BlogLord, so am I not really crucifying myself? When I was a BlogLord, did I require others to be patient with me? But now that Im cleansed from BlogLordia, I have the right to fight with a fervor, no matter who is in the way?
Life.....so confusing. So painful. Yet so good.
Im getting better at learning that we fight against pricipalities...and powers.........not people. Just liek an addiction, legalism swallows people up whole when they turn their life over to it. It takes them further than they want to go. It has no mercy. *it* makes the sinner now a victim.
Oh, for God to have pulled me out....the deeper the enslavement, the deeper the recognition of grace when it finally knocks on your door.
I am sure many didnt think this post was too amusing, but hence, it is what it is, and I will continue to use my blog as an outlet. it is a journal of sorts. I will express myself, like a song, and it will not always line up with perfect health and sanity. But it wont line up with BlogLordia, that is fer sure, fer sure.
Ben, Ill check it out :).
love love love
I am a newbieblogger and write and delete more than post because *I don't have it all figured out*(hate sounding stupid, you know?). I smelled freedom tonight in your lovely rant and i am set free to be justlittleme. Thank you!
Post some more, AM.
Thanks for commenting on my site.
Interesting perspective you have here :o) Looks like I'm not the only one who has concerns about the pitfalls of Internet interaction...
Heather
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